my battery's been severely depleted from work and socializing. as i've gotten older, i find it easier to understand whether i'm tired physically or if i'm tired mentally and knowing the difference makes it easier to just switch to an activity that's opposite whatever i'm experiencing fatigue in. i truly can't believe i lived this long trying to force myself to do something when i'm clearly spent. life's gotten less complicated once i realized i can still be my own standard of productive if i just switch courses and do something that won't aggravate my already exhausted state.

last saturday, my friend and i attended our first japanese class which went swimmingly. initially, i had worried that i wouldn't be able to stand sitting still for a 3-hour class given i've been out of school for about 7 years but our professor's teaching style was highly engaging and very easy to follow. all our classmates were also quite friendly and i can see potential in our interactions as the weeks go by since we all smile and greet each other outside of class even if we've never formally introduced ourselves.

we also visited the fine arts college since they had an art fair and she was a fine arts alumni in the same school, so she wanted to see some friends. we caught each other up on our lives over gyudon and coffee before heading in.

there was one gallery dedicated to showcasing a variety of the students' plates, which were very impressive.

i couldn't help but find it extremely nostalgic going through the exhibit since it just reminded me of my more art focused school days. i have very fond memories of high school art club, it's where i was the most experimental with mediums since we also didn't have a choice in the matter. so being forced to deal with clay or oil paint or paper mache did give me a good idea of what i liked and didn't like.

the other gallery featured this gorgeous exhibit around crystals and these weird little guys.

i think, in as much as i dearly miss my time as a more art focused student, i'm glad i ended up taking psychology in college. when i was passing through the exhibits, i thought about how lonely i'd feel if i created art but knew people just didn't get it. each art piece you make is the amalgamation of passion, vulnerability, and time you pour into it and to see most people reduce art to it's final product would upset me. i'm unsure if i have the strength to withstand a steady stream of critique or rejection and really respect people who power through it simply because they love what they do. though, i do think in a capitalist society, well, everyone's work is kind of just reduced to it's completion, without any acknowledgement of its process. but i think if i were to tie my passion to my work, i wouldn't be able to professionally compartmentalize my personal feelings all the time.

i spent most of my childhood expecting i'd take up art in college only to switch last minute because i realized that despite my enyjoment illustrating and designing, it's just a vehicle for creative expression at the end of the day, and that expression isn't limited to those two mediums. then as i got older, i found more consistency in my interest in understanding how things work, why people do the things they do, or how the world could be viewed differently. so in the end, i suppose it all worked out given my chosen course ended up being more aligned with what i truly liked, even if i wasn't fully aware of it at the time.